Chatard's secret portable used to catch stoners

An Article By Sean Riley

There have been many recent claims that Brian Chatard, a vice principal of Grant High School has been busting students for marijuana usage more than past years. Many have been expelled, and students are beginning to wonder how Chatard finds the time to catch and punish all of these pot smokers.

“He has a secret,” says Grant Runyan. “There’s no way he can catch so many smokers in such a short period of time.”

Recently, one freshman reported that she thought she saw Chatard walk into one of the portables at Grant around midnight. “Grant was already closed; this was at night time,” the ninth-grader claims. When asked what she was doing there the freshman abruptly responded that she and some friends were just sitting at the playground "kickin' it."

Despite this, Chatard reported earlier to the GHS Special that he has “never visited the Grant campus at night time,” leaving some stipulation about the accuracy of the claims.

Yet, the number of expelled students is still rising. Sam Mueller, a 17 year-old, who was formally a Junior at Grant, says that he was busted by Chatard at an unusual time of day. “It was 8 o’clock and me and some friends were at Grant Park smoking when Chatard came up from behind.”

Because of such recent claims, one of the Special reporters visited the portable in which students have spotted Chatard regularly visiting, which usually is locked. This time, however, it was vacant and unlocked.

Inside the portable were Chatard’s bed and a desk with a flashlight, a zip lock bag filled with confiscated marijuana and a stack of expulsion forms. Above his sink was a pantry filled with an abnormal amount of Kraft’s Macaroni and Cheese. It is now known that Chatard does indeed reside on campus in order to more easily catch Grant smokers. When approached again with this new evidence at hand, Chatard finally admitted to it. “I have to admit, living in the portable has given me the opportunity to catch more drug abusers than ever before,” states Chatard.

Even though one mystery has been cracked, there are still missing pieces to this puzzle. In the 2006-2007 schoolyear, 32 students were caught smoking marijuana. Only one sack of the substance was found in Chatards portable.

So what does Chatard do with the confiscated marijuana? Chatard says "police." We say please.