Health students discuss male pregnancies

An Article by Sean Riley

Boring, OR - Saturday, Sept. 1, Students from Foremont High School discuss the evergrowing possibility of male pregnancies in their high school health class.

Many students are left worried about the possible implications of such a matter. Sharon Roni, a teacher at Foremont for 32 years is very intimate about sharing her studies of male pregnancies with her students.

"I think it's vital that these kids learn about all of the possibilities out there, especially at this age. I've been teaching about male pregnancies for thirty years," Roni says.

Roni has been doing work for PIMP (Pregnancies In Male People) for the last 4 decades, and has done much research on her own.In spite of the controversy surrounded by such fantasy-like possibilities, the evidence of such possibilities remains consistent.

In august of 2003, a male donkey was discovered to have given birth to a newborn. Many researchers across the world are researching the possibilities of male childbirth among humans.

Lee Mingwei is the first male human to have ever been pregnant. This however was not a natural birth, as it was an experiment with modern scientific technology.

Some of this discussion have left many students at Foremont a little worried. In fact, one 9th grader, Marcus Orkin states:

"If what Mrs. [Sharon] Roni has been telling us is true, I am a little bit worried about having kids. I can't imagine going through something like that."

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Students confused about "Fees/Donations" form

An Article by Sean Riley

Early this weekend, a packet arrived in the mail including all the details for the 2007-2008 schedule, a letter obviously reprinted from last year, from Chatard, plus a little confusion: the Fees/Donations form.

The fees or donations form is so confusing, nobody gets it. So which is it? A fee or a donation? Are these payments mandatory?

The confusion is so immense that many students' parents have inserted two checks, one as a donation to the outstanding programs at Grant, and one for the mandatory fees such as the Choralaires dress and the $25 student I.D.

"It's definitely a shame they don't make things more clear. I'm sending my son in with two checks," says Marsha Hagan, mother of a freshman student. Other families find it totally deceptive and refuse to pay any fees at all.

"F*** that, I ain't payin' for sh** if they aren't gonna be up front about it," says an angry parent. "Donations or mandatory fees... Whatever the hell they are," she complains.

It is still unclear to many whether or not these fees are mandatory. However, these donations do go to supporting Grant which is often celebrated for having such oustanding and diverse programs, so it may be a good thing to donate.

But, um -- 25 dollars for a student body card?
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Grant student receives a letter from Hogwarts

An article by Sean Riley

Portland, OR - Sat. August 18, junior Brynn Mende receives a package in the mail, declaring her admittance to Hogwarts.

"I just applied online. I didn't know it was for real," says Mende, a reader of the books since age 9. "I've been waiting my whole life for this to happen!" Although Mende is very excited to attend, she was angry that her letter didn't arrive by an owl.

"I thought it would be all glamorous with the owl sweeping in, but I guess that's only in the books," Mende remarks. The lack of the owl delivery could be due to the fate of Hedwig in the seventh book.

Although according to the seventh book, Hogwarts is closing, Mende received a letter in the package announcing Hogwarts' reopening for the 2007-2008 school year as a senior high school. The letter also disclosed information as to why Mende was chosen, stating "Brynn is a distant relative of Pomona Sprout and possesses magical powers that she is beginning to discover."

Mende claims she knew that something might have been wrong when the glass completely vanished on her fish tank and water flooded her kitchen. She also claims she can kill ants by saying "Avada Kedavra" but received a notice in her packet not to use it again in the muggle world.

"I am so excited that my dream is finally coming true," she says. "I already have money saved up for my broom!"

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Lloyd Mall's Regal Cinema refuses to hire Grant students due to illegal piracy violations

An Article by Sean Riley

"No more students attending Grant High School will be hired at our Regal Cinema inside Lloyd Mall any longer," said Tony Redmund in a news conference saturday, of a piracy violation involving several grant students. The board has confirmed dismissal of all students currently working at the location, with a 3 month advance notice of termination.

According to the assistant manager of the movie theatre, Patty Margolis, several employees at the theater who all attend Grant High School conspired together to illegally record "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" during it's premiere showing, Wed. July 11.

Two Grant ticketcollectors stood at the gate ripping tickets, immedietely giving a signal to an employee working at concessions when they had seen the manager passing through. Patrik Martin, going into his senior year at Grant, is reported to have been responsible for taping the event on his Sony Handycam DCR-HC36.

"There are a lot of big fans of Harry Potter at our school, so I was going to record it and burn it for the Harry Potter club to watch in the summer before the movie came out on DVD," says Martin, an avid fan of Harry Potter himself.

But there are serious implications for illegally filming copyrighted content in movie theaters. Because one of the students involved told investigators that the team have been involved in taping a few other movies, including Spiderman 3, Ratatouille and Transformers, the board at Regal Cinema have decided that its 17 year streak of hiring Grant students is at its end.

The crew of teenagers must now return to their ordinary jobs waiting tables and pushing carts. Many students have even applied for jobs at the outside Regal Cinema, with little success.

"The worst part is I didn't even get to finish taping it," says Martin.
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Chatard's secret portable used to catch stoners

An Article By Sean Riley

There have been many recent claims that Brian Chatard, a vice principal of Grant High School has been busting students for marijuana usage more than past years. Many have been expelled, and students are beginning to wonder how Chatard finds the time to catch and punish all of these pot smokers.

“He has a secret,” says Grant Runyan. “There’s no way he can catch so many smokers in such a short period of time.”

Recently, one freshman reported that she thought she saw Chatard walk into one of the portables at Grant around midnight. “Grant was already closed; this was at night time,” the ninth-grader claims. When asked what she was doing there the freshman abruptly responded that she and some friends were just sitting at the playground "kickin' it."

Despite this, Chatard reported earlier to the GHS Special that he has “never visited the Grant campus at night time,” leaving some stipulation about the accuracy of the claims.

Yet, the number of expelled students is still rising. Sam Mueller, a 17 year-old, who was formally a Junior at Grant, says that he was busted by Chatard at an unusual time of day. “It was 8 o’clock and me and some friends were at Grant Park smoking when Chatard came up from behind.”

Because of such recent claims, one of the Special reporters visited the portable in which students have spotted Chatard regularly visiting, which usually is locked. This time, however, it was vacant and unlocked.

Inside the portable were Chatard’s bed and a desk with a flashlight, a zip lock bag filled with confiscated marijuana and a stack of expulsion forms. Above his sink was a pantry filled with an abnormal amount of Kraft’s Macaroni and Cheese. It is now known that Chatard does indeed reside on campus in order to more easily catch Grant smokers. When approached again with this new evidence at hand, Chatard finally admitted to it. “I have to admit, living in the portable has given me the opportunity to catch more drug abusers than ever before,” states Chatard.

Even though one mystery has been cracked, there are still missing pieces to this puzzle. In the 2006-2007 schoolyear, 32 students were caught smoking marijuana. Only one sack of the substance was found in Chatards portable.

So what does Chatard do with the confiscated marijuana? Chatard says "police." We say please. Read more!

Keeping Teachers On Track

An opinion article by Sean Riley

Have you ever had a teacher who lacked teaching knowledge, had poor classroom control, frequently gave bad grades to good students, graded too heavily on “participation,”or totally just didn’t know how to teach? These characteristics my friends, are those of what is commonly referred to as a “horrible teacher.”

They don’t know what they’re doing. Maybe you don’t understand a word as they ramble on about covalent bonds, or maybe they lose control of the class and 5th period becomes a joke. Maybe they left you a comment on your report card that said “bad class participation” and your parents took it the wrong way and you ended up grounded for a week.

Listen. What we need is a new policy where the students get to give grades on which teachers are good and which teachers just suck. Yeah, there is Ratemyteachers.com, but sites like that don’t get teachers fired. A site that encourages students to give feedback on teachers but takes no action is like a journalist complaining about the newly elected president. You may hate him, but your article isn’t going to get him impeached.

What I’m talking about is a grade report, just like the one that students receive in the mail each quarter. These grade reports will include the letter grades A, B, C, D, and F, just like the students’ report cards, and there will be room on the side for leaving a comment. Now, students can get back at teachers for their undeserved D in geometry or F in health. You can also use this space to provide the teachers with the reasons why you didn’t particularly like them. Maybe they lectured on all day, or spoke in an accent you couldn’t quite understand.

I am very positive that this grade report system would work out just fine. Those teachers who received a grade that is not passing may perhaps lose their jobs. The teachers who received an A may just receive a little bonus to their salary.

Teachers: get your lesson plans together. A big surprise may just be coming your way! Read more!